Before I start this blog page, I have to say that I’ve been putting myself off writing because I’m not 100% sure how to explain it…. 

It’s almost like I’ve got an angel on my left shoulder and a devil on my right constantly nagging me and giving me conflicting information, and they just won’t shut up.

In all honesty, with my writing, I tried not to go into TOO MUCH detail because I try to make my writing as entertaining as possible for the few people who actually read my work ( I don’t know if I succeeded in that, who knows ). 

For weeks now, I’ve been waiting to see if my brain would come up with an easy solution for this writing. I’m going to attempt it, send it to my ‘writing review’ people, and see what they think. 

With that out of the way, let’s attempt to explain what’s been happening.

I left my last blog by saying that I was living at Dad’s house. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but at least I was with my dog, who seemed happier that I was there with him. 

Personally, it wasn’t the best situation for me, but I don’t care about that as long as the dog is happy; I’m happy.

At least, for my part, everything seemed okay. Every day, I was minding my own business, living in my dad’s front room, on my new PC, playing games, watching movies, and finding a book on my reading list to read. And I still had the carers coming in, driving me to my house to get some snooker practice in for about two hours, then taking me back to Dad’s house. 

  I wasn’t happy with what I was doing, but I must be content of watching the time passing by. 

Now and then, I noticed strange behaviour related to my dog. I would let him outside, and I would get dressed for the day. The dog would start barking, and within seconds, he was brought in in a fit of rage with a rolled up newspaper, leaving the poor dog cowering in the corner. I texted Dad, and he said he would sort it out. 

 And I was SUPER confused. Either no barking was allowed, so my dog is an ‘indoor’ pet or a little bit of barking would be allowed. If it’s getting too much, we should try to bring him in without frightening him with a newspaper.  

Tiny moments like that would creep up now and then. 

Also, there’s another dog living there, and now and then, that dog barks ( sometimes just like my dog at 5 – 6 a.m.). NO ONE CARES.   

Apart from that, everything at Dad’s is running smoothly.  

While Dad went on another holiday, everything went along nicely that week.

until,

Friday 24 May

Then morning happened…..

I was woken up by the sound of the kitchen door aggressively opening, and then, a few seconds later, SLAMMING SHUT, repeated 2-4 times as I was slowly getting up from bed.  

I grabbed some dog treats and told my dog to come here. He followed me in the kitchen, and I threw the treats outside while watching my dog walk around the garden. The kitchen door flew open, and…

‘Tom, I need to talk to you?’

‘Ok?’. I was still watching the dog running around.

‘Yesterday, you shouted at me and the dog, and I don’t like it.’

‘Ok…..’.  

At this point, I realized this was serious, and the tone of the room shifted into something uncomfortable. Within seconds, I had to collect my thoughts, try to stay calm, and think this over with a strong head.

‘…. But I never yell at you or your dog.” 

‘ yes, you bloody well did. You were yelling at the dog, and both myself and the dog were shaken scared, I was shaking yesterday evening and had trouble sleeping because of it. ’ 

When that sudden tone shifted again, I felt my right leg shaking uncontrollably. I was still confused. I tried to stay calm and repeated once more. ‘Ok…. But I never yelled at you or your dog.’ 

‘ yes, you did!’  Her voice was steadily raising as she spoke.

At this point, I was trying so hard not to get emotional and keep my head. Also, I am curious about the details now. Then I remembered the ‘FIVE Ws’.

(The five Ws are a set of questions that can be used to gather information or solve problems. The questions are: who, what, when, where, and why.)

‘Ok, when?’ I said calmly. 

‘Yesterday’

That’s not helpful 

‘what time?’

‘I dunno.’ 

‘ ok, where?’

‘in the hallway outside my bedroom’

Ok, now I’m confused. I never spoke to her in the hallway…..

‘what did I say EXACTLY?’ 

‘I don’t know,  do you want me to record it next time!’ 

‘YES! If you accuse me of yelling at you and your dog, yet you can’t tell me what I said or the time I said it. 

‘I don’t care. I know what you said, and I know what I heard”. 

‘Okay, please tell me because I’m confused. You are accusing me of yelling at you, so you have to know the details! So far, you have told me how (yelling), when ( yesterday?? Sort off??? ), and where (hallway). However, you can’t tell me the time or what I said.’

She began to say something, but then I intercepted her by saying, ‘Is your memory a good, reliable source?’

’what do you mean…?’

I sigh.. ‘ how good is your memory? From what I’ve seen is not great nowadays.’ 

This must have stuck a nerve because before I knew it, she was raising her voice again, ‘ YES YOU DID, I know what I heard, and I was we were both shaking and I don’t like it.  And if you EVER DO THAT AGAIN, I’LL THUMP YOU!’.

Oh, okay. So now, it has evolved to threats of physical violence. I was thinking locally of a way to defuse this situation. I couldn’t think of a way, and the only thing I could say was repeating with a nervous laugh, ‘OK….. but yesterday I didn’t yell at you or your dog.’ 

YES YOU BLOODY WELL DID!!! And when your father gets back, I’m telling him what you did..,. ‘. 

An empty statement to throw at me: 

‘ If you do he’ll see my side and how crazy your mind has become……’

That stuck a nerve and with eyes piercing at me she SLAMS the kitchen door shut!!!! 

I managed to get the dog inside, and I was shaking after my adrenaline died down. I immediately got my phone, texted Dad with ‘WTF’, and tried explaining everything to him. I texted my friends because I needed multiple viewpoints just to double-check that I was not the crazy one in this situation.

The dog and I went to the front room. I stayed there until Dad came back at 18:00, which means I had 8 hours of remaining at Dad’s house. I tried putting on a movie or two to take my mind off things, but nothing worked.

The only time I left the front room was to go to the toilet, which is next door to the bedroom. I can still hear shouting, I’m assuming, on the phone to Dad. Apart from that, I stayed in the front room for the whole eight hours, trying to relax my body. 

The closer Dad came home, the more I paced back and forth in my chair. When he finally got home, I immediately told him to take me to my house.

In the car, I explained everything I’d told you. After a brief chat before leaving mine, he said, ‘Try not to think about it.’ I was puzzled about this; of course, the mind will think about everything!  

When he left, I put on one of the good movies, had a takeaway Chinese meal, and had a couple of beers, hoping that would calm me down a bit. 

 The next couple of days were rough my anxiety was through the roof and I had trouble sleeping.  I was trying multiple activities just to keep busy, and nothing was working.

After that day, my mind went around in circles over and over. I was talking to my best friend, and I explained that the whole situation was silly because the WHOLE of Thursday, we hadn’t even talked to each other. The ONLY time I’ve seen her was for about 5s while my carer was here. She told him to make my bed, and I double-checked with him, and there was no tension between us; everything was normal. 

I even wrote up my entire timetable for that day, have a look. Yourself : 

Thursday 23rd 

0840 ish 

 got up,

 went toilet

 let p out 

Got dress in front room 

9:45-10:00

I was playing a video game (rocket league)

carer come in we were getting ready 

when…

 she come in telling carer to make the bed ( only 5 secs and we didnt talk)

1200 ish

Got back, 

carer left,

 went toilet,

 made tea 

1230-1250  

I was going in and out of kitchen making a cheese toasty 

1300

Dog walker come for p

Finish eating 

13:30 ish 

I was in kitchen again made another tea and cleaning up 

When p come in i was in kitchen, tap still running

Finish cleaning up everything 

1350-1410

I was on the toilet

1410ish 

I was looking at my phone, watching youtube,

 when I heard the front door (open and close), 

And

Her bedroom door open and closed

1415-1430

I was in front room getting ready to watch movie

14:30 

Watching movie 

1600

Carer come in,

 let p out,

 And

 getting ready to go out 

1900 ish

We come back

 let p out again

and 

i paid carer he left

?????

At some point i watch another movie 

?????

Movie finished,

 Let P out one time,

 brush teeth

 and 

went bed.. 

See, the ONLY time we talked was in the morning, and everything seemed okay.

So I was SUPER CONFUSED!!! 

In the days that followed, I waited for an explanation from Dad, and for two days, I heard nothing. I finally asked him on Sunday, trying to get both sides of the story. 

and…..

She’s made the whole thing up in her mind!

WTF!

 So, all this trouble was because she fabricated this narrative in her head and decided to confront me without having all the pieces put together! 

While talking, he did mention that he thinks that she has early signs of dementia, so maybe that’s the reason for the strange behaviour. ….. (personally, I don’t like this explanation.) If this is true, then (in my opinion) she needs extra help, whatever forms that may be.  Either family help, carers or care home.

Dad didn’t like that idea!

I tried one more time to get him to understand! ‘Something needs to be done. This is not the first time strange behaviour has happened, and it is becoming more frequent.’

One quick note: while talking to me, she was ‘100%’ on the details and wouldn’t entertain the possibility that she got the details wrong.  

However, while talking to Dad, he said he went through the ‘FIVE Ws’ with her, and apparently, her response was ‘I dunno,’ ‘I dunno,’ ‘I dunno’…… 

Which was different from what she was saying to me!

………………………….

So now I’m back at my house, ALONE, and my dog is going back and forth between the houses.  Which still sucks because I miss him evening just watching tv with the dog lying next to me or when I’m sleeping in bed and the next morning waking up seeing that dog cuddling next to me. 

😦

In the meantime, I’ve tried EVERYTHING to keep my mind busy, and nothing has worked. I can’t handle my regular activities, which is driving me INSANE!  

At this point, I’ve been asked multiple times if I want to return to Dad’s house for the evening. But I had to refuse, even with a full house to ‘supervise.’ I don’t think I can handle the awkwardness. 

…………….

So, very slowly, I was getting all my things from Dad’s house back to my house, including my new PC.  

Now I have access to my new PC. I played the 2 ‘South Park’ games and finally decided to replay one of my favourite games of ALL TIME. ‘The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt’.  After some trouble at first getting it running correctly and smoothly, I probably put in too many hours playing.  I didn’t mind I needed a distraction from my depression and anxiety, and this was my perfect solution.  

………………

After all that happened, I find myself with LOADS of time to think through everything. I don’t want to live at mine, and after all that happened, I can’t stay at Dad’s.  

So now I’m going to explore the possibility of moving.  Let’s see what happens….. 

………………………………………………………

If you made it to the end of this blog, thank you. If you have any ideas or suggestions of topics for me to expand upon, please leave a comment below.  

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