Last year, my 100% attention on was on the book ‘The Hardship of Growing Up on Wheels.“ After finishing the final stages till publication back on November 12/13th, 2018, I felt super lost and conflicted about what next ‘thing’ I should be focusing on would be……..
……. and I couldn’t think of ANYTHING!
I put on a brave face on the outside. However, I was dead inside, and the more I thought about it, the more stressed I got, I then got more anxious because I was stressing out. And I went to that dark, grim place that seems like there’s no escape. I was stuck there for nine/ten/eleven months. While eating as much food as I possibly could, you name it, I most likely ate it.
Fast foods
Pizza
Takeaways (Indian, Chinese, Pizza)
Sweets
Chocolate
And many more desserts.
And my body paid the price!
It got so bad, got to the stage where my back was in so much pain I physically couldn’t get up from the bed. I couldn’t even push my chair; as a wheelchair user, that’s a huge problem. My old wheelchair was getting uncomfortable that I couldn’t even sit at the table anymore without jumping or fear of falling backward.
I stopped going to wheelchair basketball because I couldn’t push the chair.
(Younger baby face me was in “09 and the older ((can’t think of a suitable word here)) me is “18 or “19).
Don’t get me wrong. I did some amazing things like:
holidays
Comic-Con
trying out different sports
When I come home from the first holiday in February, my next one wasn’t till August. I ended up doing what I said earlier, and I wanted to carry on with the activities that had been doing while at home, and god knows I tried, but it wasn’t happening.
And I appreciate that I went to this place. However, it never felt like this was the ‘something’ I should be doing, and I wasn’t a useful member of society.
I would spend most of my weeks looking at the next movie to see at the pictures, and I can’t even tell you how many films that my friend and I haven`t seen. There have been so many great films that came out this year.
One positive is that I got a new ‘bike attachment’ for my chair, and that gave me some more independence that I can and did go to the shops on my own, which was the first time in my life.
It wasn’t till September when I went to Bending Trust that I pushed to do more at home. There’s something about this activity holiday and the positively of everyone that sparks the drive back within me. It took some extra help, but from the Bendrigg Trust till today, I become a lot more positive and made a real push to an active life.
After a painful few months in my old chair and trying a new chair that I didn’t get along with. I finally got myself a chair that I can get along with. It has only been a short time; however, I haven’t had one issue with this new wheelchair. Which is such great news for me. Also, one more ‘bike attachment’ and two new sets of wheels. So basically, I have loads of new toys to play with. 🙂
(I apologetic for my photography shills HAHA.)
It’s been a slow process, but after finishing my book last year, this year sometime feels like a step backward. I was working on my massive project, and this year I have done nothing of the sorts. Which makes me feel lazy at times……..
In conclusion, a weary and depressing start of the year, however, the tiny difference starting to show up and hopefully lead to something more positive year for 2020.
I won’t linger on this. However, I wish I had another long writing project to sink my teeth in again. Writing is strangely therapeutic, which is practically why I kept writing this blog site. Also, now and then, I think about my time writing the drafts for my book and how invented I became, and I got myself through a few tough times. Most importantly, it gave me something to focus on. With that said, I’m having trouble thinking of any ideas for such a project.
If any writers, happen to read this, I wonder if you got any tips?
And hopefully, 2020 would be more positive and proactive and hopefully, some great new opportunities will happen shortly!
How was 2019 been for you?
Thank you so much, and your support means a lot to me,
Thomas.G.Kandiah
ThomasGKandiah 